The Republican Party is in disarray following a dispute between Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) and President Donald Trump (Chaotic Evil-Florida) over apparent issues of cashflow after an all-hands GOP conference call Tuesday.
“The President has diverted coronavirus supplies meant for Texas and is now selling them for a profit to the citizens of Florida, his ancestral home state. After I swiped them fair and square from Newsom and Garcetti! And what’s worse, the President is not even giving ya boi Cruz here a cut!”
“It’s ridiculous. Patently ridiculous. I’m here in Washington doing all the work, just trying my best to divert PPE supplies from wealthy blue states to my constituents – who rightly believe that just because states like California generate our entire economy, doesn’t make them any cooler than us.”
The confrontation culminated Wednesday evening in a heated Twitter argument and promises by both parties to “arm-wrestle each other until a loser is declared”.
As of now, a date for the match has yet to be determined, and no provisions whatsoever have been discussed for declaring either party the “winner” in any conceivable scenario.