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Uber, Lyft and several police unions today announced an unconventional partnership, banding together over their shared complaint that the world is no longer bending over backwards to accommodate their profit-driven and racist objectives (respectively).
The centerpiece of the deal is comprised of a hundred million dollar, multi-platform marketing blitz, the theme of which boils down to the public needing Uber, Lyft and the police more than they need the public.
As of the time of this reporting, Uber, Lyft and the police forces of the nation remained baffled that a groundswell of public support for their position had yet to develop. Said one exec:
“It’s like the public wants us to be replaced with lower-cost, public funded alternatives that are more directly answerable to the citizens of their community, and not driven by motives of pure profit and/or racial insecurity – we don’t need to talk about how capitalism entwines the two right now, thanks – at the expense of fracturing civilization!”
“Yes!”, shouted a random woman passing by with her friends, who all nodded in agreement. “Exactly.”
