In a surprising turn of events, seven governors have announced shared entry into a unifed purchasing compact. The non-partisan deal is an effort to increase pressure on those companies producing rapid-detection tests by having these States present a United” front – an element of negotiations so far unseen atop the national table.

Said one Governor, the intial drafter of the compact:

These big pharmaceutical companies, they’re just like any other corporation – out for profit at the expense of anything else. And the way I see it, it’s the job of the government to set the rules to make sure all that profit doesn’t come at the expense of safety. And to enforce those rules.”

The trouble is that some of these companies are global conglomerates – way bigger than any state. So I figured maybe a few of us American states could band together as one, and maybe have a little more throw weight next time we’re at the negotiations table. Divided we fall, you know?”


(Artist’s Rendition of what such a union of states” might look like on a map)

At the time of this reporting, members of the GOP including Senate Chair Moscow” Mitch McConnell were heard speaking out against the compact, calling it an unacceptable sign of democracy” and promising to stamp out anything that even looks like it might one day present a threat to the rampant corruption from which I and my cronies so wildly, blatantly and ghoulishly profit.”

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